Finding Life After Grief
Finding Life After Grief
United States
ph: 615-654-2157
fax: 615-654-2157
alt: Cell: 615-613-5299
jayr2244
Services:
Announcing: April 24, 2010.
A grief support meeting in Springfield, TN.
Meeting begins at 11:00AM and lasts till 12:00PM. There will be a fellowship luncheon at 12, then at 2:00 there will be an hour long meeting that will cover many aspects of death and grieving.
At the end of the 2 o'clock meeting there will be a question and answer meeting.
The meeting will take place at the Crossroads Church, A Seventh-day Adventist Church. Address is the intersection of Old North Highway 41 and Highway 161 just North of Springfield, TN.
Directions to the church are as follows:
North on Memorial Boulevard (Highway 143) to the Junction of Highway 161. Turn left onto 161. Go about a mile to the intersection of 161 and old 41. The church is at the intersection. The sign is Crossroads. All are welcome.
GPS Directions are on the church's website
Grief support
Many people will come to you when you have lost your spouse and tell you that if there is anything they can do to please let them know. The problem is that they don't know what you need, and more than likely you don't know what you need. You just want your spouse and your life back. Unfortunately there is no set way to go through your grief. Only someone who has gone through this kind of grief can understand how you feel. Each individual will grieve differently.
We are not a liscensed or certified counseling center. However, we have been through the experience of losing a loved one and are willing to talk to anyone who is grieving..
We are simply a support group for those in grief.
If you need a shoulder to cry on we are listening.
There is life after the death of a spouse.
Because of the amount of grief that a person goes though when they have lost a loved one, many will lock themselves up in their home and will pine away the time mourning, and blaming God for their loss.
This is a common misconception. As a Christian, I don't believe that God wants us to blame Him for our loss. After all it was not God who brought sin and death into this world. Death is the by-product of sin and we must believe that God only directs our paths in a way that is best for us.
I Took Him to Save Him!
I have a friend that lost a son to Cancer. She grieved for that son for several years, as he was her last child.
Her children took her to a known resort hoping it would help her get over her grief. It was not to forget him, but to help her move on with her life.
As she was sitting one morning reading her Bible at this resort, a light shown through the window from back over her shoulder.
In an audible voice she heard these words: "I took him to save him."
Remember that God the Father had to hide his face from the scene at the Cross, but still was able to save His Son. His Son died to save us from this world of sin.The Hairbrush
Whenever you feel alone, ALWAYS remember GOD is there
> HAIRBRUSH EXPERIENCE OF BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORT
>
> For those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.
>
> This is one of her experiences:
>
> April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville , waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I
> want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you.
>
> You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise.
> Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons, not the least of which is your ego.
>
> I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight.
> Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees
> protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones.
>
> The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man.
>
> I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport... an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying
> to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served up on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.
>
> Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.
>
> I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to
> happen. And it may be embarrassing.
>
> I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. 'Oh, no, God, please, no.' I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it
> into heaven and said, 'Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this
> gawking audience. Please, Lord!'
>
> There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, 'Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane..'
> Then I heard it....'I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair.'
>
> The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair?
> No-brainer.> I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, 'God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man.'
>
> Again, as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. 'That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair.'
>
> I looked up at God and quipped, 'I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?'
>
> God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: 'I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works.' (2 Timothy 3:17)
>
> I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself.> Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, 'Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'
>
> He looked back at me and said, 'What did you say?'
>
> 'May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'
>
> To which he responded in volume ten, 'Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.'
>
> At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, 'SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?' At which point every eye in the
> place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Long Locks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his
> face, and say, 'If you really want to.'
>
> Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, 'Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But
> I have one little problem.. I don't have a hairbrush.'
>
> 'I have one in my bag,' he responded.
>
> I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted
> hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands,
> remembering to take my time not to pull.A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the
> room disappeared.. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle
> was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like
> someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while.
>
> The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's.
>
> I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knee and said, 'Sir, do you know my Jesus?'
>
> He said, 'Yes, I do'
>
> Well, that figures, I thought.
>
> He explained, 'I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior.' He said, 'You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart
> surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride.'
>
> Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it.
>
> Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have
> accompanied him on that aircraft.
>
> I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks.She said, 'That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?'
>
> I said, 'Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!'
>
> And we got to share.
>
> I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting
> or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!
>
> I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way .. all because I didn't want people to think I was strange.
>
> God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.
>
> 'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!'
>Our Gracious thanks to Beth Moore for this lovely story.
If you have a wonderful story about how God led you and your spouse in a time of need, e-mail us and tell your story.
If it is what we are looking for we will use it here.
Please give us the permission to use it
HANDY LITTLE CHART -
GOD HAS A POSITIVE ANSWER:
YOU SAY | GOD SAYS | BIBLE VERSES |
You say: 'It's impossible' | God says: All things are possible | (Luke 18:27) |
You say: 'I'm too tired' | God says: I will give you rest | (Matthew 11:28-30) |
You say: 'Nobody really loves me' | God says: I love you | (John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 ) |
You say: 'I can't go on' | God says: My grace is sufficient | (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15) |
You say: 'I can't figure things out' | God says: I will direct your steps | (Proverbs 3:5- 6) |
You say: 'I can't do it' | God says: You can do all things | ( Phil ippians 4:13) |
You say: 'I'm not able' | God says: I am able | (II Corinthians 9:8) |
You say: 'It's not worth it' | God says: It will be worth it | (Roman 8:28 ) |
You say: 'I can't forgive my self' | God says: I Forgive you | (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1) |
You say: 'I can't manage' | God says: I will supply all your needs | ( Phil ippians 4:19) |
You say: 'I'm afraid' | God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear | (II Timothy 1:7) |
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated' | God says: Cast all your cares on ME | (I Peter 5:7) |
You say: 'I'm not smart enough' | God says: I give you wisdom | (I Corinthians 1:30) |
You say: 'I feel all alone' | God says: I will never leave you or forsake you | (Hebrews 13:5) |
A short story
Having grown up in a home that was loving and caring. Growing up on a farm, and working hard for what we get in life, going away from home at fourteen to go to high school, going to college, I meet my sweetheart and get married.
Committing myself to a married life with my friend, companion, lover and helpmate. I was happy, settled and comfortable with life. We had three children. They grew up and stepped out of the nest to pursue their ways in life. Settled with the fact that we were nearing the age of retirement, and facing the "Empty Nest Syndrome" that we had heard everyone talk about. Looking to get reacquainted with each other after our busy lives of raising children and spending time trying to make ends meet, we were happy with the accomplishments of our lives.
After 35 years of married life, in March of 2000 my wife, had open heart surgery to replace a damaged Aortic Valve. After being released and then taken back into the hospital for 12 days, during which I feared that I would lose her, she began to recuperate. After almost eight years of doctor’s and hospital bills, she became sick again and was put into the hospital.
In October of 2007, she was taken into the hospital to receive more blood. It had become a routine procedure since 2001 to be given blood because she was having trouble maintaining a normal blood supply.
After five months of fighting infection, having five strokes, respiratory distress, congestive heart failure, brought on by Aortic Valve disease, my wife and companion of 42 years was fading.
During the period of five months I sat by her bedside daily. Spending long hours, as many as 14 a day, alone beside her, praying for healing, allowing myself to be in God’s hands, not knowing what was to come, but wanting God’s will to be done, and not knowing the future, I realized she was not going to get well.
After being told by the doctors that she would be an invalid for the rest of her life, and knowing that kind of life was not what she had wanted, I reluctantly decided that we needed to "pull the plug" and allow her to slip away into death.
Just one and one half hours of watching her life slip away, her heart stopped. Even though our oldest daughter was there for support, I was alone again. After eight long years of waking in the middle of the night to see if she was breathing, or checking to see if I could hear the click of her artificial heart valve and wondering if I was going to lose her, she was gone.
Now what to do. I had lost my job because of lack of attendance at the school where I taught. I had taken Family Medical Leave to be by her side during this time of sickness. Living out of a suitcase two hundred miles from a home that we had just built to live out the rest of our lives in comfort in, I said "Now Lord what do I do?"
After having to plan for the cremation of her body, which she wanted, and all that I could afford, and planning a memorial service, I was by myself. I did not question God. I did not blame God, I did not ask "Why Lord have I been put in this position?" I accepted the life that God was pointing me toward.
I was alone, not lonely, but alone because she had always been by my side. For 42 years I had been able to come home and know she was there to see me and talk to me. Now my life was empty. I had no purpose in life. I had three lovely daughters, but they had their own lives to lead now, and only needed Dad for the occasional monetary support, and mental support.
Now what direction does God want me to take? A member of the church asked me if I was going to move away. Where to? What purpose would there be to move somewhere else? My life had been here for 14 years. Everything I owned and cared about were here. I had no desire to shake up my life with a move to some unknown place.
On a whim I looked up 2 websites that were for singles. Thinking that at least I might find someone that I could find support for this life of being by myself again. Not expecting to ever have a companion or life mate again, I subscribed to both websites. Thinking that maybe some six months or a year down the road, I might find a new friend and possibly find a significant other.
I have now found a significant other. I found that if I waited on the Lord, He would work that miracle in my life. I was given a gift that I feel I didn't deserve, but God has said "It is My Gift to you."
Life after the loss of a loved one can be a wonderful life.
There are some things that I didn't know could be before.
I now know what it is to have a soulmate.
I now know what it is like to be loved by someone so completely, that I feel totally free.
I now know that I don't have to feel that I am being set up for failure every time I am asked to do something for someone.
J.R.
Tragedies of Life
Navigating this life is interesting at best and tragic at worst. From the cradle to the grave we are winding our steps through a minefield of circumstances. If we were lucky enough to have conscientious parents, we survived our childhood only to make it to the teens. First cars, first love and first great opportunity to make a tragic decision.
If we managed to make it past those disastrous pitfalls there are the college years. Oh my, how many tragedies can one person avoid! Fortunately for most of us we met our mates, settled into a career and started our lives and families.
Whew, we barely survived the stressors of crying babies, not enough money and no time for our spouses.
Again, time moves along and we find our children heading off to build lives of their own and longingly we settle into an empty nest. How we have looked forward to and longed for this space and time to enjoy the cumulative effects of our life's work and the staying power of a long and happy marriage. Wow, we made it. We've arrived at the threshold of retirement and life is good!
This is where the stereo needle skids across the black vinyl and makes that terrible sound that means everything comes to a screeching halt and the world goes dark.
For some unexplainable reason our partner is taken away. After years of working and planning and loving we must stop. Take inventory. Start all over, again. It is too overwhelming for words. It is too overwhelming for tears. Now we know why in the obituary it's called survived by; it is a circumstance one must survive. Some of us do better than others.
That's another story for another day.
Now what? We are alone. We are broken. We are overwhelmed. I thought I left these feelings back in kindergarten and here they are back again! Time moves slowly. Each new day is unwanted but yet it comes. We have, in the place of security and love, our sleepless nights, fuzzy minds and broken hearts. If there ever was a term that fit us it would be, the walking wounded. Yet somehow we trust that God is in control. He makes only the best decision for us all. We trust. Never asking, why me Lord.
Settling into this new life is not easy. Dinners for one, yet still taking care of business for two. Filing taxes as widowed, and sleeping in a widows bed is among the hardest things. Then there are the things that catch you unawares, in my case it was music. I had to be on the lookout for that wayward song that had a special meaning and I would be overcome by tears.
Life now has a whole new set of hazards. Not just the emotional hazards but true physical and financial hazards and we must navigate again, alone. No one to tell me when to refill the propane tank, no one to sharpen the lawn mower blades or change the oil in the car. No one. And yet we still did not say, why me Lord? G.A.
Finding Life After Grief
United States
ph: 615-654-2157
fax: 615-654-2157
alt: Cell: 615-613-5299
jayr2244
